in_shane (in_shane) wrote in gay_bahai,
in_shane
in_shane
gay_bahai

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Confusion

Exploring Baha'i
I have been exploring Baha'i through reading what few books I can find locally as well as all information on the internet.  My search for spiritually has led me from Christianity, to Buddhism, to Unitarian Universalism, Scientology (brief stint...lapse in judgement...I can admit!)...I have studied what it means to be a Christian, Buddhist, UU-ist, and even a Scientologist....
Finally! I found Bahai and felt that I had connected to myself and to "the path" I was supposed to take...the truth!
however, I also spent 17 years of my life in the search for who I am as a person.  The simple fact is that  I am a gay man...AND finally after many years of self-hate and denial...I am happy with that aspect of myself.  I am no longer ashamed. OUT and Proud.
The sadness I feel now is that the pride I feel about acceptance of myself is in direct conflict with Baha'i Faith.  I want to learn, explore, grow, and connect with the Baha'i faith.  However, I have come to find that being a gay Baha'i means (to me) more hiding, more secrets, more shame...confusion.   Any one with any comments please help me to come to terms with this confusion.
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